Memories mar my mind

Night-times are a write off for me these days. I can’t even blame the darker nights. After a day teaching and an afternoon cooking/cleaning/moaning, I’m usually spent once I put the kids to bed. Oliver and Cara share bunk beds and are usually asleep after I read them a couple of books yet I soon follow them into a deep state of slumber. I have attempted a late evening stroll after putting them down but I’m finding it more difficult to shake off common colds and coughs these days so getting outside during these cold nights is less than tempting. Getting older is no craic!

Tonight I plucked up the energy to make our lunches for tomorrow so I can save us a vital 5 minutes in the morning. I always have loads more energy in the morning. As the day wears on that energy is slowly sapped away. I enjoy teaching still it wears you out in ways I have never experienced in any other job. Add in 3 young kids when I get home and, come night-time, the batteries are running low and in serious need of a recharge. Fatigue has always been an issue since diagnosis so add in some understandable exhaustion and I’m done for the night.

I like doing nothing. My dad brought me away last weekend to Manchester for my birthday. All I had to do was show up. We did go to the wrong Holiday Inn at first and Dad got strangely annoyed when I tried to help him show the person at check in our booking details. Anyway the correct hotel was only a short taxi drive away so all was good. I was feeling under the weather and was only really able for a few quiet sociables before bed. That was it for the first night and exactly what I needed. Still, I wake up at 5am every morning no matter what time I went to bed. I’m so used to Cara coming into me during the night it’s hard to switch off. I lay there in the dark knowing I wouldn’t be disturbed. Snore on for another few hours there dad. I like doing nothing.

I always have loads more energy in the morning. The rest allowed me to be prepared for the day ahead. For the first time in nearly 15 years, I was going to see Manchester United at Old Trafford. En route to the stadium we were reminiscing about games we had seen there over the years – some together, some apart. He brought me to my first game when I was 10 in 1993, now he was bringing me for my 40th! We spoke of the legends we had seen play for and against United and the influence the club’s success, in the 90’s in particular, had on our lives.

Memories mar my mind. Although it was a much different experience to what I remembered, I loved being at Old Trafford. United’s history is what made me fall in love with the club as a child and maintain it as an adult. When something beautiful dies, however, you can’t help but feel anger when it’s no longer there. An old stadium that would be pride of place in most other cities and towns now seemed dated and not becoming of this great football club. I’m sure I’m just getting older and even crankier but its nickname “The Theatre of Dreams” no longer appeared to be befitting as it once did. Almost like the colosseum!

When the past was so good, it’s difficult to see where the hope will come from in the future and, even at that it won’t be in the same vein as it was. (come on Harry we want to say goodnight to you)

Yet hope comes in all shapes and sizes. United won (just about) and we squeezed onto a tram and headed back to the hotel – the correct one this time. I like doing nothing. As we sat in our hotel room there was a bang on the door. I said I’d get it as my Dad was busy on his phone and I was getting far too use to doing nothing. Low and behold, my younger sister was on the other side of the door. She had drove up from Gloucester to surprise me for my birthday! Lovely. She disappeared for a minute to get presents she had brought up for me. And what a present it was! My older sister, all the way from Canada, had also come to surprise me. I couldn’t believe it – best surprise ever! There may have been a few expletives on my part! I now understood why my dad was annoyed with me for trying to help him at check in – he didn’t want to let the cat out of the bag 🙂

We went for dinner and drinks that night and then hung out around Manchester the following day. It was all very brief but when both your siblings live abroad you take what you can get. When the past was so good, it’s difficult to see where the hope will come from in the future and, even at that, it won’t be in the same vein as it once was and that’s not a bad thing. History can be imitated never duplicated yet it is forever being created. We all parted company at Manchester airport the next day, it was brief but beautiful and I’m sure in years to come I’ll look back on it with great fondness.

After completing the Dublin Half Marathon in September, I signed up for the Clontarf Half Marathon which is this Saturday (Nov 18th). I know I need to push myself and with my training being minimal at best we’ll see how it goes. I’m not looking to break any records, I’ll be happy to finish it. It begins at 10am which gives me hope (I always have loads more energy in the morning!).

What’s rare is wonderful. Keeping in contact with your past and those who helped make you who you are is almost the best form of therapy. A change is as good as a rest and it was great for me to be away from home for a weekend. Especially to a place that has brought me so much joy over the years with people I love dearly. Although each day this week, at home, in the middle of the night, at some ungodly hour, when my daughter sneaks into bed beside me I know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be – occasionally living in the past, always preparing for the future!

#KByerrrrr

Notable Man United games I’ve been to:

1. United vs Everton in 1996 (David Beckham had scored from the half way in the previous game and the crowd kept shouting “shoot!” every time he touched the ball. 2 Man United vs Real Madrid in 2000 (United lost but there was a masterclass from Real legend Raul) 3. United vs Fulham in 2005 (not a game of much importance but I did see Cristiano Ronaldo score the only goal of the game – this was before he reached his iconic status) 4. Man United vs Blackburn March 2007 (Ole Solskjaer’s last goal for the club – I tend to tell people Oliver’s named after him 🙂 )