MRIots

Prior to being diagnosed with MS, a person will normally have an MRI followed by a lumbar puncture (aka spinal tap) to confirm diagnosis. The reason for this is to compare the fluid in the brain to that of the spine. I did not realise we had fluid in either and, to be honest, I never had any reason to think about it. Following my first MRI, I had two lumbar punctures. The first felt painful and intrusive. It was also unsuccessful. The second was done under x-ray and was pain free in the physical sense. Emotionally, it confirmed the dreaded MS diagnosis which, nearly a decade later, I’m slowly coming to terms with. At least I haven’t had to have a lumbar puncture since but I have had my fair share of MRIs.

My most recent MRI was in November 2023. The night after the Dublin riots. I had to go to Smithfield. This suited me. It’s my favourite place to go for an MRI (as if an MRI is a social event!?!). After a day in school, I dropped the car home while my mam minded the kids. I got the 83 bus in to Church Street and walked to Smithfield from there. Even at the bus stop in Ballygall, everything seemed so eerie, so sketchy. The riots had changed the atmosphere all around the city, for a brief time anyway.

When I arrived for the MRI, I had to be buzzed into the building. This had never happened before. The security guard was friendly but cautious. There was no secretary at the main reception which was unusual. There was nothing unusual about the MRI itself, thankfully. The only thing that changed was that they send you a link to share with the relevant practitioners (in my case the MS nurses and consultants in the Neurological Institute Dublin next to the Mater Hospital).

It was a calm cold November night so I decided to walk home after my MRI. Part of me wanted to walk the LUAS tracks and witness first hand the devastation from the night before. I decided against it. With three young kids at home, I don’t like to stay out longer than necessary but I do need to make the time to exercise when the opportunity arises. I had just finished the Clontarf Half Marathon two weeks previous and hadn’t done any sort of training since so the long walk would be good for me.

It was quicker to walk home via Phibsbrough rather than town. I kept my head down and apart from one lad scaring the bejaysus out of me as he ran past me to catch a bus, it was an uneventful stroll. In contrast to the troubles of the previous evening. As I walked past McGowans, where me and my buddies saw some crazy nights and a few of us met our wives, it really felt like the beginning of the calm after the storm. Like so many, I watched events unfold on social media, whatsApp and the news the previous night. It was hard to believe this was the same city that I was walking through just 24 hours later. Although it was a Friday and the pub was open, I doubt many frequented it that night. It took an hour to get home and it put my mind at rest to see the City I love in a much calmer and safer state.

Just like MS, the riots broke my heart. MS broke my heart long before it broke my brain. Things are never straightforward. The storm is generally lingering long before it’s visible to the naked eye. I was told before that people are born with empathy. I had to disagree with that. Not in every case but for me empathy was learned over time. Learned not taught. My experiences with MS and loss have given me an insight into how people feel and react in all different kind of situations. Pain and anger can chip away at you and chip away at you and chip away at you. Only when you learn to accept it and get on with things is when you finally feel free. (Spoiler Alert: I think I just gave away the plot to the Shawshank Redemption!?!)

After a bit of following up with the neurology team, the MRI results came back with confirmation of no additional lesions on my brain or spine. This is good news. Especially, as just one month before, I had been suffering with symptoms similar to those I had at the time of my initial diagnosis (this was called clinically isolated syndrome ). The results mean I can stay on the same medication until advised otherwise – one tablet a day to go with my Vitamin D supplements.

I will never be free of MS and that’s fine. I’m accepting that. For me, the internal riots caused by my MS are infrequent and always preceded, and followed, by a calm that involves a lot of sleeping (whenever possible!). Just like Dublin, I have my issues but I’m feeling revived. It feels good. Long may it last.

“When I die Dublin will be written in my heart” – James Joyce.