May to 50km

Hi All,

Thanks to everyone who still follows this blog. Posts have been very few and far between for a number of years now so good on ya for sticking with me.

I just want to update you about my current adventure in my world of Multiple Sclerosis.

I have signed up to run 50km over the course of the month of May to help raise money for people living with MS. At one stage post diagnosis, I would have had the arrogance to consider this goal easily attainable. Not so much these days.

There is always an excuse for not getting out for a run. The job, the kids and the weather are the most used ones. And as such, I have barely ran in over 6 months! But excuses is all they are. The reasons for getting out far outweigh the reasons for staying in.

I am hoping this fundraiser will ignite that spark and passion inside me that helped run the Dublin marathon back in 2018. I need it to. In one way or another, MS has been in my life for over 20 years now and I know the older I get the tougher it will be to overcome any setbacks that come my way.

I am planning on doing ten 5km runs over the course of the month. I will update my fundraising page each time I complete one. My goal is to raise €500 (€10 per km). I have completed 2 runs so far so hopefully I keep up the momentum to keep the excuses at bay even after the fundraising is done.

The link to my page is below:

https://www.themay50k.ie/fundraisers/keithbyrne

All donations are greatly appreciated! Big thank you to all those who have donated so far!

Keith

Please Yourself

During my first school placement in college, a teacher in the school I was training in had done the MS Readathon with her class earlier in the school year. As a mature student, I was much closer in age to the more experienced teachers in the school. This was a comfort to me. I was very open in the staff room about my reasons for changing career. My MS diagnosis being the catalyst for the change. With this in mind, the teacher asked me to talk about MS to the boys in her class. She wanted to give them a better understanding as to why they had been fundraising.

This was the first time I recall speaking openly to a group of people about MS with a view to educating them. I had done interviews for radio and newspapers previously but this was different. This was face to face, there was no hiding behind a microphone or printed word. This meant more. It was all boys, all from the same area of Dublin that I’m from. I needed this talk to have a positive impact on them.

As with most classrooms I’ve encountered, some boys were full of questions, some had absolutely no interest and others zoned in and out. I didn’t initially tell them that I had MS. I asked them questions and answered any questions they had for me. The conversation flowed as I explained in simple terms what MS is and where some of the money they raised would be going to. I soon learned that in any classroom expect the unexpected. The talk was abruptly cut short as one of the pupils began to get sick on his table.

Overall though, the feedback was very positive and I received a letter of thanks and best wishes from the class and their teacher when my placement finished. No matter how much praise I get, I am always my biggest critic. Teaching is such a mine field of methods and strategies that I’m never going to tick all the boxes with each lesson. Especially as I’m still relatively new to the profession.

Last year, I was asked to be an ambassador for the MS Readathon. I had agreed to take on the role. In July, with the school term over, it was all arranged for me to meet with the relevant parties, get the photos taken, do the interviews etc.. and promote the upcoming Readathon due to start in November.

The day before the scheduled meeting, however, I cancelled and withdrew as an ambassador (no ferrero rocher for me). I felt overwhelmed and certainly not confident in myself to promote something that is really important to me. It was a fantastic opportunity for me and, perhaps, in previous years I would never have shied away as I did. And although a real benefit of teaching is the summer’s off, I needed time to feel rejuvenated again both physically and mentally. After my first full year teaching my own class and becoming a dad again, I didn’t feel strong enough to deal with anything else. Any other distractions outside of the home could wait, I needed to look after me first. Thankfully, the organisers were extremely understanding.

I don’t regret withdrawing from the MS Readathon role although I think it did deter me from taking part in the 2023 Readathon. I did, however, complete two half marathons late last year so I won’t be beating myself up too much for not doing the Readathon. In the end, I did put myself first which is something I always encourage other people to do. I need to put my own advice into practice more. I am far too often a people pleaser, at times I’m overly generous and always try to avoid conflict, which can be contradictory to looking after yourself!

I’ve yet to tell my children about my MS. Oliver is 7 now and can read perfectly. It’s only a matter of time before he asks questions. Him and his younger sister are well aware of the importance of Vitamin D and that daddy gets very tired sometimes. Doing the Readathon could be a good way of telling them without it being an ordeal. Kids are more adaptable than we give them credit for. I read books to them every night and have become a bit of a connoisseur when it comes to picture books and children’s literacy. Another reason why doing the Readathon should be a no-brainer for me.

Reading has become such a passion for me both at home and in the classroom. Not that I’m extremely well-read myself, however, I do know that the importance of reading is immeasurable. Especially for children as it acts as a gateway to so many things for them. Anyway, I’m on my Easter break now. Hopefully, I feel rejuvenated after it. My kids might have other ideas but sure they are what pleases me. Please yourself 🙂

“The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.” Dr Seuss

7

MRIots

Prior to being diagnosed with MS, a person will normally have an MRI followed by a lumbar puncture (aka spinal tap) to confirm diagnosis. The reason for this is to compare the fluid in the brain to that of the spine. I did not realise we had fluid in either and, to be honest, I never had any reason to think about it. Following my first MRI, I had two lumbar punctures. The first felt painful and intrusive. It was also unsuccessful. The second was done under x-ray and was pain free in the physical sense. Emotionally, it confirmed the dreaded MS diagnosis which, nearly a decade later, I’m slowly coming to terms with. At least I haven’t had to have a lumbar puncture since but I have had my fair share of MRIs.

My most recent MRI was in November 2023. The night after the Dublin riots. I had to go to Smithfield. This suited me. It’s my favourite place to go for an MRI (as if an MRI is a social event!?!). After a day in school, I dropped the car home while my mam minded the kids. I got the 83 bus in to Church Street and walked to Smithfield from there. Even at the bus stop in Ballygall, everything seemed so eerie, so sketchy. The riots had changed the atmosphere all around the city, for a brief time anyway.

When I arrived for the MRI, I had to be buzzed into the building. This had never happened before. The security guard was friendly but cautious. There was no secretary at the main reception which was unusual. There was nothing unusual about the MRI itself, thankfully. The only thing that changed was that they send you a link to share with the relevant practitioners (in my case the MS nurses and consultants in the Neurological Institute Dublin next to the Mater Hospital).

It was a calm cold November night so I decided to walk home after my MRI. Part of me wanted to walk the LUAS tracks and witness first hand the devastation from the night before. I decided against it. With three young kids at home, I don’t like to stay out longer than necessary but I do need to make the time to exercise when the opportunity arises. I had just finished the Clontarf Half Marathon two weeks previous and hadn’t done any sort of training since so the long walk would be good for me.

It was quicker to walk home via Phibsbrough rather than town. I kept my head down and apart from one lad scaring the bejaysus out of me as he ran past me to catch a bus, it was an uneventful stroll. In contrast to the troubles of the previous evening. As I walked past McGowans, where me and my buddies saw some crazy nights and a few of us met our wives, it really felt like the beginning of the calm after the storm. Like so many, I watched events unfold on social media, whatsApp and the news the previous night. It was hard to believe this was the same city that I was walking through just 24 hours later. Although it was a Friday and the pub was open, I doubt many frequented it that night. It took an hour to get home and it put my mind at rest to see the City I love in a much calmer and safer state.

Just like MS, the riots broke my heart. MS broke my heart long before it broke my brain. Things are never straightforward. The storm is generally lingering long before it’s visible to the naked eye. I was told before that people are born with empathy. I had to disagree with that. Not in every case but for me empathy was learned over time. Learned not taught. My experiences with MS and loss have given me an insight into how people feel and react in all different kind of situations. Pain and anger can chip away at you and chip away at you and chip away at you. Only when you learn to accept it and get on with things is when you finally feel free. (Spoiler Alert: I think I just gave away the plot to the Shawshank Redemption!?!)

After a bit of following up with the neurology team, the MRI results came back with confirmation of no additional lesions on my brain or spine. This is good news. Especially, as just one month before, I had been suffering with symptoms similar to those I had at the time of my initial diagnosis (this was called clinically isolated syndrome ). The results mean I can stay on the same medication until advised otherwise – one tablet a day to go with my Vitamin D supplements.

I will never be free of MS and that’s fine. I’m accepting that. For me, the internal riots caused by my MS are infrequent and always preceded, and followed, by a calm that involves a lot of sleeping (whenever possible!). Just like Dublin, I have my issues but I’m feeling revived. It feels good. Long may it last.

“When I die Dublin will be written in my heart” – James Joyce.

Memories mar my mind

Night-times are a write off for me these days. I can’t even blame the darker nights. After a day teaching and an afternoon cooking/cleaning/moaning, I’m usually spent once I put the kids to bed. Oliver and Cara share bunk beds and are usually asleep after I read them a couple of books yet I soon follow them into a deep state of slumber. I have attempted a late evening stroll after putting them down but I’m finding it more difficult to shake off common colds and coughs these days so getting outside during these cold nights is less than tempting. Getting older is no craic!

Tonight I plucked up the energy to make our lunches for tomorrow so I can save us a vital 5 minutes in the morning. I always have loads more energy in the morning. As the day wears on that energy is slowly sapped away. I enjoy teaching still it wears you out in ways I have never experienced in any other job. Add in 3 young kids when I get home and, come night-time, the batteries are running low and in serious need of a recharge. Fatigue has always been an issue since diagnosis so add in some understandable exhaustion and I’m done for the night.

I like doing nothing. My dad brought me away last weekend to Manchester for my birthday. All I had to do was show up. We did go to the wrong Holiday Inn at first and Dad got strangely annoyed when I tried to help him show the person at check in our booking details. Anyway the correct hotel was only a short taxi drive away so all was good. I was feeling under the weather and was only really able for a few quiet sociables before bed. That was it for the first night and exactly what I needed. Still, I wake up at 5am every morning no matter what time I went to bed. I’m so used to Cara coming into me during the night it’s hard to switch off. I lay there in the dark knowing I wouldn’t be disturbed. Snore on for another few hours there dad. I like doing nothing.

I always have loads more energy in the morning. The rest allowed me to be prepared for the day ahead. For the first time in nearly 15 years, I was going to see Manchester United at Old Trafford. En route to the stadium we were reminiscing about games we had seen there over the years – some together, some apart. He brought me to my first game when I was 10 in 1993, now he was bringing me for my 40th! We spoke of the legends we had seen play for and against United and the influence the club’s success, in the 90’s in particular, had on our lives.

Memories mar my mind. Although it was a much different experience to what I remembered, I loved being at Old Trafford. United’s history is what made me fall in love with the club as a child and maintain it as an adult. When something beautiful dies, however, you can’t help but feel anger when it’s no longer there. An old stadium that would be pride of place in most other cities and towns now seemed dated and not becoming of this great football club. I’m sure I’m just getting older and even crankier but its nickname “The Theatre of Dreams” no longer appeared to be befitting as it once did. Almost like the colosseum!

When the past was so good, it’s difficult to see where the hope will come from in the future and, even at that it won’t be in the same vein as it was. (come on Harry we want to say goodnight to you)

Yet hope comes in all shapes and sizes. United won (just about) and we squeezed onto a tram and headed back to the hotel – the correct one this time. I like doing nothing. As we sat in our hotel room there was a bang on the door. I said I’d get it as my Dad was busy on his phone and I was getting far too use to doing nothing. Low and behold, my younger sister was on the other side of the door. She had drove up from Gloucester to surprise me for my birthday! Lovely. She disappeared for a minute to get presents she had brought up for me. And what a present it was! My older sister, all the way from Canada, had also come to surprise me. I couldn’t believe it – best surprise ever! There may have been a few expletives on my part! I now understood why my dad was annoyed with me for trying to help him at check in – he didn’t want to let the cat out of the bag 🙂

We went for dinner and drinks that night and then hung out around Manchester the following day. It was all very brief but when both your siblings live abroad you take what you can get. When the past was so good, it’s difficult to see where the hope will come from in the future and, even at that, it won’t be in the same vein as it once was and that’s not a bad thing. History can be imitated never duplicated yet it is forever being created. We all parted company at Manchester airport the next day, it was brief but beautiful and I’m sure in years to come I’ll look back on it with great fondness.

After completing the Dublin Half Marathon in September, I signed up for the Clontarf Half Marathon which is this Saturday (Nov 18th). I know I need to push myself and with my training being minimal at best we’ll see how it goes. I’m not looking to break any records, I’ll be happy to finish it. It begins at 10am which gives me hope (I always have loads more energy in the morning!).

What’s rare is wonderful. Keeping in contact with your past and those who helped make you who you are is almost the best form of therapy. A change is as good as a rest and it was great for me to be away from home for a weekend. Especially to a place that has brought me so much joy over the years with people I love dearly. Although each day this week, at home, in the middle of the night, at some ungodly hour, when my daughter sneaks into bed beside me I know I am exactly where I’m supposed to be – occasionally living in the past, always preparing for the future!

#KByerrrrr

Notable Man United games I’ve been to:

1. United vs Everton in 1996 (David Beckham had scored from the half way in the previous game and the crowd kept shouting “shoot!” every time he touched the ball. 2 Man United vs Real Madrid in 2000 (United lost but there was a masterclass from Real legend Raul) 3. United vs Fulham in 2005 (not a game of much importance but I did see Cristiano Ronaldo score the only goal of the game – this was before he reached his iconic status) 4. Man United vs Blackburn March 2007 (Ole Solskjaer’s last goal for the club – I tend to tell people Oliver’s named after him 🙂 )

Vestibular Physiotherapy

The last couple of months have been the most concerning for me since my initial MS diagnosis in early 2015. I know that a chronic illness means that it will always be with you but the tiredness, weakness and dizziness seems more relentless than ever.

I’m so glad I start writing these blogs again. Even when dizzy, I try to fight the symptoms by creating rushes of endorphins to my brain. The Monday after I was certed off work for two weeks, I went to my nearby park. I walked to the nearest football pitch, conscious of my deteriorating balance. I took my jacket off, tied it to the goalposts and sprinted the length of the pitch as fast as I could. Low and behold, a nearby dog thought I wanted him to chase me so I had no choice but to run faster and longer than planned until the owner called him back!

I ran up and down the pitches a good few times, stopping in between to do push ups and take a breather. When I finished, I checked my phone. I wasn’t expecting to see anything but on reflection it was like I had a opened a treasure chest and the gold was shining brightly in my face.

In this case the gold came in the form of a WhatsApp message. A fellow MSer, who I briefly got to know during my time on the MS and Me blogging team, informed me that he had read my blog and could relate to my symptoms. Similarly, he had vertigo symptoms that would not subside with prescribed medication. As a result, he went to a vestibular physiotherapist and it worked for him.

I thought why not give it a go. Although I had never heard of vestibular physiotherapy before I figured what I had I got to lose!?! I rang around a couple of places and, thankfully, I managed to get an appointment for the following day.

The physio was in Dublin city centre, near Merrion Square. The bus journey in was strange as the budget was being announced that day and a lot of roads were closed off. The bus dropped me ages away from the physio but I had time to kill and enjoyed the walk along the canal and even went for a sneaky sleep under a tree in Merrion Square before going into the physio.

The therapy itself was very straightforward. A list of questions followed by a few sudden head movements. I had to wear these funny goggles which helped locate where the dizziness was coming from. Apparently it is caused by the movement of crystals in your inner ear but I won’t try to explain it any further than that. After an hour in treatment the symptoms really started to subside. I began to feel better than I had in weeks.

I went back for two more sessions after my initial session and it was agreed I had progressed so much I had no need to return. Since then, I have returned to work and was off for another week soon after thanks to the Halloween mid term break (I’m still getting used to teacher’s holidays!).

Vestibular physiotherapy has definitely become another addition to my arsenal in my fight against MS. Currently, however, I’m still not feeling like I’m at my best. Maybe I never will. The winter months are certainly challenging my immune system which seems to be getting weaker with age. I have had both flu and covid vaccines recently but I can’t seem to shake off the common cold like perhaps I once could. Not ideal when you have 3 young kids that rely on you. The future, however, is looking brighter than it was for me even if it is taking the sun that bit longer to come up.

#KBYerrr 🙂

PS: A big thank you to Declan, my fellow MSer, who inspired this blog! Thanks to you I can hold my youngest son Ted without any fear!